


I'll Miss You. I'll Always Love You.

by Snipes



Category: DCU
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Breakups, Depression, Drugs, Exes, M/M, Unhealthy Coping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-06 11:05:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19061374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snipes/pseuds/Snipes
Summary: Jason and Roy have a breakup. They each handle it in their own separate little ways.





	1. Give Me a Fucking Break

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this fic has errors as it is a quick drabble I did in two days. Yes it's basically me venting out some personal issues in the form of JayRoy angst; Yes, this is a mess-- I am not sorry for it and I haven't uploaded or made work in two years now. Let's see how well my skills have improved. 
> 
> More is planned for the future, so stick around if you'd like! First chapter is short because it's merely an introduction of sorts-- also I hit post too early, haha.

Just like that, it was decidely over. With two unbearably angry men yelling at each other in a little condo, things were bound to go wrong. It had been like this for months now, on and off, on and off. When one problem would disappear, another would arise. It was always like this. Even the household pets would avoid them out of sheer annoyance and fear. There was a streak being kept, broken, and at this point, it was pathetic. A streak to see how long they can go without arguing or fighting and making up. And each and every time, they broke the streak within days, weeks, or months.

_Roy, you're always too busy for me. Roy, spend more time with me. You never think about me anymore, you probably don't even love me, you probably love Grayson more than me, I saw you hanging out with him on the rooftops earlier when you promised me you'd be there for me._

_Jason you're always too thickheaded to think about anyone other than yourself. Jason, give me space, Jason stop yelling. Stop talking about me to your friends._

_Roy, you're being selfish and hanging around Dick more than me. You're a hypocrite, you do the same thing. Roy you keep drinking, Roy you this, you that.  
Jason, I'm tired of you not giving me space. Jason this, Jason that._

This time, Roy was the one who was exhausted. The man was so, so tired. So very tired of this, so very tired of the fighting, the arguing, the feeling of falling out of love. The feeling of getting back together, only to hurt each other each and every single god damn time. Blocking each other, only for one person to confront the other days later to have a proper conversation about the relationship. One month of peace, and then, disaster; the two of them even go to their respective friends to vent and it's a habit, a broken record that their friends get tired of hearing. 

Even Cheshire, Roy's ex, whom he'd stayed in contact with (much to Jason's dismay), was getting tired of hearing their back-and-forth relationship; the same was said with Grayson. Who else could handle the duo within a two mile radius? No one. 

Time and time again, their peers gave only one suggestion time and time again. It was to break it off for good. Hell, even Bruce himself had a few snappy words to say about their last blow-up before he gave Jason the cold shoulder. 

And tonight was the night that it was all going to end. Roy knew what he had to do.


	2. I'm Sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry Jason. I'm so, so sorry."
> 
> "I can't ask for you to remember me, but I can't bear for you to forget me." 
> 
> A beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is taking so long. I'm not feeling the best and my work has obviously been lacking. Apologies. I'll try to get on it next time. I need to push myself to write 4,000+ words like I know I can. Someday, when I don't feel lower than shit. 
> 
> Anyhow, enjoy the Joy angst. I suggest listening to this while you read for some maximum feels: https://youtu.be/vteCosE9qnM

"Jason... _please_. Listen to me." Roy is pleading, arms open, hands shaking with effort. 

The night had begun on a sour note, with the archer's head muddied with worry and sentences that refused to form properly. With the dismal moon hanging just outside the window, the silvery light that poured through made this current scenery all the more drab and depressing.

"No. I really, _really_ don't want to. You've suggested this how many times now? I'm sick of it. We were doing fine yesterday and the week before that, what makes this time any different?" Jason asks, arms crossed. The polar opposite of demeanors being shown in the pair.

"I've just been thinking..." Roy begins.

"You're **always** thinking. You're always tired, you're just thinking on your emotions, not what's best for us, Roy. Do you really hate me that much?" Jason starts, cutting him off. His eyes are narrowed, chest beginning to heave.

Another sign that Roy shouldn't have approached so soon. He's starting to regret this confrontation with an ice block sitting at the pit of his stomach. The yin-yang between the two is evident, with a polar contrast within their emotions.

The archer is blue, his emotions swirling with a fit of nauseous green that crosses his exasperated body language. Palms splayed out, eyes wide, body shrinking back.

The mercenary is red, swarming with a locust of untrusting black and green. His arms are crossed, fingers digging into his biceps. His eyes are narrowed, teeth gritted, stance tense. He was unwilling to see the end of it. Jason is unwilling to let this be the end of their story.

When Roy doesn't answer, Jason continues.

"We were doing fine. I've changed. You changed. You can't just leave now. You just can't. We spent so many years together. All these missions, all the times we've saved each others asses. All the times I've helped and been there for you. And for what? Nothing? What do you have to say for yourself?"

With a sharp inhale, Roy cards a hand through his ginger hair, eyes downcast. He feels uneasy, lost. But this had to be done for their sake.

"Jay... I—" he takes note of the glare that follows his nickname, "I just don't think it's healthy. Or normal... for that matter to be fighting so much. Even when we make up and vow to change... it's not much. I just. I just want to see other people too. I want new experiences and—" he feels the anger rising, but chooses to continue anyway, "I love you, I really do but I. I think we should just be friends. For good."

That breaks the faucet, tears it right out of its socket and lets the water shoot out. Jason is looming over Roy in seconds, shaking with rage.

"YOU WANT TO JUST SCREW **OTHER** PEOPLE?! You don't fucking love me, I knew it. You don't know what's fucking best for us, Roy! You don't! I can't believe you fucking said that to me. You hurt me so much as it is and I don't want to fucking be friends with you if we aren't together, _period_. I can not fathom watching you flirt and fuck with other people as if I'm second best. I already let it slide once too many times and look where its got us. I bet you just want to get back with Cheshire huh? I'm just never enough, am I?" He takes a breath, regaining his composure, "I'm never e-fucking-nough and you're finally dumping me like trash after all we've been through. I fucking loved you Roy Harper. You were my whole world."

"No, I'm not going to get back with her, I promise! I'm thinking about us. Come on, Jay. That's not it at all, I just... please listen I—"

"I don't wanna hear it. Don't contact me. Don't look for me. I'm too fucking devastated that someone I considered my bestest friend and my boyfriend for YEARS would just break it off for good like this. I _knew_ it was too good to be true. I knew this is why you've been avoiding me lately. I need space from you and I don't want to hurt more than I already am."

Roy sees something he hasn't seen in Jason's eyes in years. Tears. They brim at his waterline, threatening to spill from the slightest movement. Roy's heart feels like its restricting on itself, a python of guilt squeezing and squeezing the more he thinks about their end.

Before Jason leaves out the door, he turns to look at Roy, who had been facing him the entire time, frozen on the spot. With Jason's hand gripping the side of the door, Roy watches his knuckles turn white from its harsh grip.

"And don't bother talking about me. I'll be gone before you know it. Take care of the condo for me. I'll be back for my stuff later. You can have it when I'm gone."

"Jason—" Roy had called, palm finally outstretching to grab the angry (and quite hurt) figure. But he was too late.

 

The door slams and Roy stands there, mind swirling with emotions. He's red, angry that Jason didn't want to be friends with him. He balls up his fists, gritting his teeth. He curses and feels tears streaming down his cheeks.

Then, he's blue. Jason is gone and he feels a hole where his heart used to be. Why? This was his own choice. His choice and his alone. He doesn't deserve to feel sad.

He grabs the bottle of margarita mix from the counter and sits on the couch, beginning to take a few swigs as soon as he pops the cap open. He looks over to his phone, lazily clicks the home button and watches the notifications flood his home-screen. It was now 11:30 PM.

_'Roy, are you alright?' - Chesh, 7 PM_

_'Hey, I heard door slamming. Saw Jason down the street outside my window. Everything alright?' - Grayson, 10:40 PM_

_'Hey, you haven't answered in a while. I just put Lian to bed. What's up with you?' - Chesh, 10:57 PM_

_'I'm here if you need anything, dude.' - Grayson, 11:05 PM_

Roy clicks the screen off and leans back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't want to answer anyone for a while. He exhales, feeling a presence near by.

_Meow._

He turns his head to see Jason's cat staring up at him curiously. The soft, orange tabby always had a spot in their hearts. It would be sad to see him go so soon.

"Hey Donald..." he murmured, leaning down to scritch the cat on the head, "I'm going to miss you. Where's Tea?"

As if on cue, he looks behind her to see his little Maltese approaching with a smile on his trimmed face. 

"You guys getting along?" He asks, as if the pets could understand and reply. He didn't care.

He watches them sit down and blink absently.

"Of course. I'm sorry Tea. I really am. I just wish I wasn't such an idiot. I had to do it for _our_ sake. Can't you guys see that?" 

The two seemed to stare, as if he was going to give them a treat for sitting still for so long.

With a sigh, Roy leans back against the couch cushions, pinching the bridge of his nose. He sniffled, screwing his eyes shut. The couch dips a bit with the weight of Tea jumping up to sit on his lap and Donald curling right beside him.

"I just don't know. I don't know anymore, guys. I'm at a loss here. I can't go back into this relationship a third time! He ended it the first time, I ended it the second time and six months later..." he gulped, remembering their hellish six month break, "and now I'm ending it for good the third and final time. We just can't keep doing this."

Finally, his words are clear. Words he could have said to Jason. Words he didn't say to Jason. Red hot regret flashes through his body. Embarrassment.

He hiccups, free arm dangling over the couch, bottle in hand. The two fur-kids didn't seem to mind. All they wanted was to comfort the man while he sat back and cried like a child. Pathetic in the eyes of all that saw him in such a disheveled state.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so fucking sorry, god dammit."

Tonight was going to be a long night. 


End file.
